Saturday, October 13, 2001

Chemicals


Chemicals push their way through my blood
My mind wants to move but I’m stuck in the mud
It’s hard to distinguish between thought or feeling
Night or day, floor or ceiling

What gives me this desire, this need
to swallow this pill, to smoke this weed?
Is it nature or nurture? Genetic or learned?
Is it in my veins to always be burned?

I don't know, and I don’t care
Cuz life isn't great, or even fair
And it’ll all be over in the blink of an eye
So who gives a fuck, I’ll be stoned till I die

Cloudy Morning Yearning


Another cloudy morning
And an even thicker clouded brain
No matter how much I scrub
I can’t remove the stain
It’s deep into my fibers
like a lesion or a burn
And the only way to heal it
Is to successfully unlearn
Everything about her
From her nose down to her knees
And the way her love would wrap around
Like sap-soaked Christmas trees
Her taste so sweet, so pure
But so hard to forget
Her innocence unyielding
Like my permanent regret
Praying to a God
That never seems to care
That one day I will wake up
And she’ll be laying there

Monday, October 8, 2001

Bounceback

“So you still love her?”
“Of course I still love her. I’ll always love her.”
“Are you sure you love her? I mean, are you absolutely...”
“I’ve never been so sure of something in my entire fucking life.”
“Why do you love her?”
“Why do I love her?”
“Yes, why do you love her? Don't answer a question with another question.”
“There was nothing...not a goddamn thing inside of me that cared about anything before I met her....nothing to live for..nothing to believe in...nothing. Now there's something. She saved me dude...”
“And the sex?”
“And yes, the sex was incredible. But it was because of our intimacy. You can’t have the level of intimacy we had and not have good sex...except for the few times I prematurely showed my intimacy...but those incidents were few and far between.”
“Right, right.”
“Goddamnit, what the hell were we talking about?”
“Your premature ejaculation?”
“No dick, before that.”
“How Rachel saved your life.”
“Yes...she did. And seeing her at that party...”
“You wanted to grab her in romantic embrace and take her back to the days of your carefree romance and boundless affection?”
“Yeah... pretty much. But I resisted. I didn’t even say 'Hi' to her.”
“Yeah, but you were fucking bummed out the rest of the night.”
“Well, what do you expect dude?”
“I dunno man...I know she means a lot to you... but just fucking forget her. There are thousands more women in the world who can make you feel the same way she did, even better. So what's the use in getting hung up over your first love?”
“I’m over her dude. Totally. Just seeing her kinda bummed me out. I mean, lets say you had a dog. Over a couple years, you developed a strong relationship with the dog. Then one day, the dog runs away.”
“Dollar ninety-five”
“So then your walking around a couple months later. You see the dog. How would you feel?”
“Does the dog have a nice ass?”
“Asshole...”
“I know.. I know... I got your point. I understand. But its time to get you a new dog. We're going out tonight...were gonna find you a new bitch.”
“Come on, I gotta study tonight.”
“Ha. You know you can't say no to me. Don't even try. Wear something sexy and I’ll come pick you up at 8. Wear that turtleneck... looks good on you.”
“Faggot.”
“You know you want me.”

Impossible


 
Just a few more sunsets now, and you’ll be gone away
The loneliness has come before but now it’s here to stay
Rays of light inside that only shine when you are near
Impossible to see between the words I’ve written here

And maybe it was wrong to ever fall into your light,
But every time I see you smile I know that it is right.
And although the guilt slowly fades, it always will remain 
Impossible for me to clean betrayal’s ugly stain

I hide behind a facade, in you I do confess, 
I wish I had a fraction of the courage you possess
But when it comes to love for you, I feel it head to toe,
Impossible for anyone to ever really know

Our journeys lie ahead of us, both difficult and long
And even though we’ll be apart, my soul will sing your song
Whatever cards I’m dealt in life, you’ll always be my queen
Impossible to forget our love, despite the space between

And perhaps these days will be the last we ever get to share
For life is not as pleasant as the sweet smell of your hair,
Just remember that a part of you will stay inside my heart,
Impossible for us to ever truly be apart